Love. Something so simple, yet so complex. Something we yearn for, but also plagues us. What is it about love?
Love is incredibly misunderstood. Like many things, physical reality causes truth to allude us.
We focus more on the visual, obvious, evidence of love. Instead of understanding its true nature. We watch movies with large displays of wearing hearts on sleeves, elaborate proposals that can't be topped, long speeches from the heart.
These are all real examples of love. But they are the flashiest as well. And flashy isn't always the same as the true essence of it. Flashy is an angle of it, a display of certain aspects of it, but not the true essence of love itself.
So what is love? Love is not blindness, as they say. Blindness in love is actually just foolishness. Love is understanding, discernment. It is balance. It is not about going all in, but rather about knowing when to take a step back as well. Knowing when to react, and when to keep more to ourselves; when to take something seriously, and when to let it go.
We often see love as these moments of display. But it is truly about the the whole timeline in its entirety. In courtship phases, we often see large displays of flashy love. Then it goes away. Does this mean that our partner no longer loves us? If they did 10 flashy things last month, and the month before, and the month before that... but none this month, does that mean something has gone terribly wrong?
Or are they just tired, maybe they feel more settled and comfortable with us, more able to show us the quieter side of love. The side of love that gets no validation and accolades from other people. The side of love that is private, raw, real, and asks nothing in return but to find a home in your heart.
Love is about truth, it is about the bigger picture. It is about evaluating pros and cons, making smart decisions. It is about fun too. But not every moment is fun. But if you act and decide first from discernment, something we may shudder to think about in the context of something as light and bright and rainbows as love, well then you stick it through the times that are not so fun.
This is because our choice came from a place of truth - knowing the other person, knowing ourselves, and knowing what we are agreeing to handle and accept from the get go. Then we are not so surprised when the shadows show up, and we can more smoothly ride the storm to the happy fun times to come again.
What do you know to be true about those you love. Always leaving room for people to grow beyond and defy your understandings of them, and adapting your truths as you go. Knowing what you know about them in this moment, what can or can't you expect from them? Knowing this will solve many a relationship problem.
We can only ask people to do what we know they can. The rest we can let go. But without that truth and discernment, we get confused, wondering why things can't be different. Not understanding the bounds and rules of those we are close to.
Take a step back, assess, understand, and set expectations accordingly. It is in this structure that love can flow, grow, and abound. Without these understandings, we get hurt expecting one thing, getting another, and not understanding why when it is likely that we may have glossed over some truths in the name of blind love.