I can't tell you the number of times friends or partners have gotten upset with me for setting boundaries. As someone who, until a few years ago, was very much a people-pleaser and trying to develop out of it, this was of course my worst fears coming true. They would get mad at me, do mean things, retaliate, and give me the cold shoulder.
Sticking to my boundaries with this kind of response was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Self-worth work often is. But since committing to valuing who I am and what I want, I've never been happier. And the bonus part? All those people who got mad ended up coming back anyways - and much better behaved!
I used to feel trapped by my relationships. I would share my feelings or boundaries, my friends would walk all over them, I would push back sometimes, they would push back harder, I'd then give in and then resort to avoiding them instead as my way to cope. But not anymore. For the past 3 years, I have been empowered to create the relationships I want instead of hiding from, or molding to versions others want.
If you are in the process of setting boundaries with those you love, but you fear the negative repercussions they may throw at you, here are some tips.
When setting boundaries, stay focused on who you are and what you need. When you do this, you stay strong in yourself. And when you are strong in yourself, you are able to give strength and be there for others in more powerful ways.
If you let yourself get drained by allowing your boundaries to be crossed, or worrying how others will receive the boundaries you set, you get distracted, your energy gets split, and you cannot fully be there for those you love.
Setting boundaries HELPs your relationships. It HELPS those you love and are setting boundaries with. Because they can understand how to work with you, how to love you better. They know when they have overstepped. The boundaries you set remove the confusion they may (or may not) have had. Confusion that may have been splitting THEIR energy, and causing them to show up less powerfully too.
Rules help us navigate the world, and by creating yours, you help those you love navigate the world of your relationship together. And when you are happy in your relationship, you bring more joy to the connection, which makes the relationship you have more meaningful for both of you.
See boundaries not as a detriment to a relationship, not as a block. But as a way to enhance the relationship for both of you.
Very little comes from keeping what needs to be said, unspoken instead. It only creates unaddressed issues in the relationship that fester and grow. Then they blow up and can destroy the relationship altogether - for good.
Understand the value of boundaries, set them, and watch how much happier you are - and how much healthier and balanced your relationships become for all involved!