Jealousy isn’t something I’ve often felt towards another, but it is something I trigger in many people I meet. This isn’t because I am any more impressive than the next person. Rather, I think this is a common theme for empaths. We relate to others on a heart level where jealousy doesn’t have much room to exist. As a result, we rarely feel it towards another. We’re too busy being excited for them.
But we also tend to be a light in the darkness for others. People either run towards the light or fight against it. Those that fight against it often have insecurities they aren’t ready to confront. They want to keep those hurts hidden in the dark, and so being near us feels threatening. As a result, they often feel jealousy, anger or like they can take advantage.
If you are someone who feels jealousy towards others, this article will help you understand your dark or shadow side. This will help you take the first steps towards regaining your confidence and inner peace. If you aren’t a jealous person, this article will give you a better understanding of what is going on so the next time you encounter someone who gets triggered, you don’t take it to heart so much and can view them with more compassion.
Photo by Brandi Ibrao
So what is this shadow or dark side I speak about? It isn’t just a what, it is also a who in some ways. Your shadow is an aspect of you. It is the parts of you that you don’t like, the parts of you that you don’t want the world to know. It is the aspects of ourselves we fight against because we don’t approve of it.
Because the shadow holds some of our deepest secrets about ourselves, we often repress it. We run from it, hide it, feel guilt over it, feel disappointed in ourselves about it, feel shameful. We believe that if others knew about our shadows, they couldn’t possibly continue to love us.
Of course, it is often our shadows that make us human, and that make us relatable to others. But it can be hard to believe that and so we repress it.
This is where the problems begin. When we repress aspects of ourselves, our mind can’t handle it. Just because you hide something, doesn’t mean it isn’t there anymore. And like with any other emotion, bottling it up just leads to an explosion later down the line. We weren’t meant to be hidden, and so it is nearly impossible to do so.
So what does your mind do when it needs to express itself but it is being forced not to? It finds any outlet it can. If you won’t give your shadow attention, your mind will project it onto others. So when you come across someone who has confidence in areas where you have insecurities, you feel attacked, threatened, sad, jealous. You have an emotional reaction that isn’t equal to the situation.
It is fine to have emotional reactions, they simply tell us where our shadows are and where we need to shine more light. But it is only fine if you make the effort to address it the next time you have a moment to yourself. If you do not, the projection continues and there is no end. You see the world as having limitations. Someone else’s happiness means your sadness, which, of course, simply isn’t true. But when you do not integrate your shadow, you aren’t balanced internally and so your view of reality is distorted.
There are no such limitations and we are all mirrors of each other. When you see someone who is confident in areas you are not, you should celebrate them, for they are reflecting back to you who you really are. Their confidence is showing you that you have that confidence in you too.
What jealousy really means is, whatever it is you see in someone else that you envy, is also present in you. You are not living that reality, however, because you are fighting your shadow.
You can’t ever run from your shadow. It goes wherever you go. The only way to make it go away is by shining a light on it. What does it mean to shine a light on it? It means to give it love and attention, to appreciate it for being there. And in doing that, it loosens its grip on you.
Why should you appreciate your insecurities for being there? Because it is simply your mind’s way of protecting you. Your shadow was just trying to protect you, so love it for doing its job. It is a part of you. We all have one. And we were all meant to be loved for our perfection. Our perfection is found in our flaws. So honor yourself by honoring your WHOLE self. Not just the parts that are easy to love because they’re pretty. Love your trouble areas too because that is where you learn who you are.
Are you someone who runs from their problems and takes it out on others? Or are you a god/goddess who loves yourself so much that you can bounce back from anything like the champion you are? The darker and bigger the void, the more room there is for your growth, light and divinity.
We all have a shadow side and we pick up new shadows as we go through life. It isn’t about getting rid of the shadow. It is about learning to love ALL parts of ourselves, no matter what.